It
was systematic. Mechanical even. I would run through the back yard
stepping in almost the same places, then, make sharp left and an abrupt
stop. Lacing my fingers on the metal fence, I would hoist myself up using
the holes in the metal to hold my feet, and eventually I would reach out for
the wooden fence abaft the metal one. Above me was a tree that grew
little plum colored berries, which I devoured without knowing what they were.
Then, bracing myself, I hopped over to the other side, at least a six
foot drop, feeling the ground's shock shoot up my legs on impact, but
continuing anyways, because the real joy was what was over the fence. One
jump and I was in my element. A sandbox. Swings. A playhouse.
Even a miniature trampoline. Everything a kid could want, plus a
best friend, Allie, just a hop, skip, and a jump away. I could spend hours over
there, and for the first few weeks of this, my parents had no idea. I
would say I was just going to play in the backyard, but then I'd make my escape.
I guess I thought they wouldn't approve because to me, it was
very risky play. And so I went. There was no other way in my mind to get
there anyways. Walking around the block was far too
dangerous because I lived on a very busy street, and there was no other way
to the backyard than to go over the fence. A fence that happened to be
nearly double my height. The thrill of ‘trespassing’, exploring
unknown territory, discovery, and newfound friendship drove me wild,
and certainly beat the lousy, outdated slide in my own backyard. Of
course, this wasn't a fear that I was completely new to. Being
a gymnast since age two, I had dealt with fears, heights, various thrills, and
considerably risky behavior. Maybe this drove me to find ways to find
adventure outside of the sport, therefore climbing the enormous fence. My
parents weren’t overprotective, but that just meant it took even more to
stimulate me. At seven years old, I had discovered another world. A
world where I could fall off a fence, cut myself on the sharp wood behind it,
or hurt myself jumping to the ground, among numerous other dangers, but it was
all mine, and that's all that mattered.
As
Ellen Sandseter is cited in "The Overprotected Child", by Hanna Rosin, “Children
love to walk off alone and go exploring away from the eyes of adults.
They experience a feeling of risk and danger of getting lost” when “given the
opportunity to ‘cruise’ on their own exploring unknown areas; still, they have
an urge to do it.” This couldn’t be truer of my own childhood. I
took great pleasure in escaping the reigns of my parents. I called myself
‘nature girl’ and probably would have spent all my time exploring the outdoors
if I could. This is such an important aspect of childhood in my
opinion. Discovery, imagination; all key pieces in the puzzle of growing
up. By participating in this risky activity, I was pushed out of my comfort zone, and faced with challenges that I didn't have the immediate answers to, similar to the challenges we all face regularly when we, say, try a new restaurant, explore a new city, or figure out college life, as I am doing now. I think in doing so, I found a sort of confidence in myself that
I might have never found otherwise.
Play
"also teaches how to manage intense, negative emotions such as fear and
anger,” says Peter Gray, author of "The Play Deficit". I
see how I learned these same lessons through play when I was younger. I
learned to deal with frustration as I struggled to get over the fence, and
stumbled quite often in doing so. I learned how to deal with anger when,
after my parents knew I went over there, they told me I wasn’t allowed to go
every time I wanted to. Especially though, I learned to deal with my
fears. Each time I climbed, there was a fear that my parents might not
approve of my actions. Perhaps that was an irrational fear, seeing that
they really did not care too much after all, but being a young kid that thought
she was doing something extremely risky, it was fear enough. There
was also definite risk involved and I was forced to look past that risk
to obtain the enjoyment that lie on the other side of the fence. The that I had to climb scared me to death but I was so determined to overcome that fear. Rosin actually lists heights as one of her six risky play examples, so I would say it is a defining action to take for a young kid. It shows a bit of courage and determination and held build confidence when dealt with. This not
only helped me back then, but also turned out to be a huge stepping-stone for
the years to come, especially in my career as a gymnast. There isn’t a
day that goes by that I don’t have fear about a certain skill or a routine at
the gym. I mean, its one thing climbing a tall fence, but its another balancing on a four inch beam trying to do a flip. I have learned through lots and lots of hours of training how to
work past my uncertainties and focus on the bigger goal, and I’d like to think
that my access to risky play as a kid had some influence on the gymnastics part
of my life, as well as others.
Even
though I feel like I would be as overprotective as many parents are today when
I have kids, thinking about my own childhood experiences makes me think about
the value in avoiding the so-called ‘duct-tape parenting’. By letting me
play on my own without close supervision, my parents allowed me to learn little
but beneficial things like how to deal with emergencies, face fears, and become
a more independent person. It made me question what purple berries were
growing in the tree above the fence and use good judgment to find out that they
were just blackberries. It allowed me to organize my thoughts ad devise a
plan to get over the fence in a safe and easy way. Through it, I met Allie, a best friend, and pushed myself in a way that I wouldn’t have gotten if my
parents knew what was going on. Rosin backs up my opinion
completely. She says, “They spend a lot of time in the company of adults,
so they can talk and think like them, but they never build up the confidence to
be truly independent and self-reliant.” I could not think of a truer
statement on the subject. Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was dangerous,
but climbing over that fence, exploring my backyard, and straying from my
parents definitely did more good than bad in the long run, and I am thankful
for that.
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